By Christopher Duerrmeier, LMFT
Clinical Director, Discovery Counseling Center
As Thanksgiving approaches, many of us feel pulled between two stories. One is the familiar picture of abundance and togetherness. The other is the more complicated history behind the holiday, one that includes real harm and loss.
Human history is a story of suffering and perseverance, and this season is no exception.
Healing Begins With Honesty
In our work as clinicians, we see what happens when harm is denied or conflict goes unaddressed: the pain doesn’t disappear, it goes underground.
Like a wound left untended, unacknowledged hurt can fester and show up later as anxiety, resentment, numbness, or distance from the people we love.
Healing usually begins with honesty.
Gratitude Can Make Room for Difficult Feelings
That’s why we think of gratitude as something that works alongside difficult feelings, not as a replacement for them.
Gratitude that skips over pain tends to ring hollow. Gratitude that makes room for pain can be steadying.
So this season, we invite you to start by turning toward whatever is hard.
Notice the sadness, anger, worry, or loneliness you may be carrying. You don’t have to fix it or explain it. Just give it some room to breathe.
These feelings are part of being human, and they often point toward what matters most: grief reflects love, anger reflects values, and worry reflects care.
Finding Gratitude in the Everyday
Then, when you’re ready, widen your attention to the things that are easy to overlook.
Your breath, which has carried you through every hard day so far. The earth beneath you. The sun that rises each morning and offers warmth without asking for anything back.
Gratitude for the basics can be a balm. It doesn’t erase the wound, but it can help create the steadiness from which healing and understanding grow.
A Two-Minute Gratitude Practice
Sit quietly and name one feeling you’ve been avoiding.
Take three slow breaths with it.
Then name three simple things you’re grateful for today, such as a warm drink, a familiar voice, or a moment of quiet.
Notice whether anything shifts, and if nothing does, that’s okay too.
Reaching Out is an Act of Care
If you or someone you love is struggling this season, reaching out for support is an act of care, for yourself and for those around you.